I miss holding your hand. I miss laying against your chest, listening to your heart beat. I miss being your big spoon, because you like to be held too. I miss massaging you. I miss the way you crinkle your nose. I miss your radiant smile. I miss staring into your eyes. I miss you.

Turns out all I want for Christmas is you.

I hate the way I'm overanalyzing this, I just hope I didn't screw it all up.
You've made me so happy this last week and I'm all in a knot because we haven't talked in about 12 hours? What's wrong with me?

I don't know how to get my shit together right now.

I was trying to think of something to give you so you could remember me by. So you wouldn't forget me, but then I realized you're taking a piece of my heart. And it'll always be just yours. So, hopefully that will do.

I'm absolutely crazy about you and you haven't responded to me in two days.
This is killing me. How do people do distance? How did my parents do it decades ago? I just want you by my side. Now and always.

It doesn't help that every place I leave from or go to, always, and I mean always has a plane or a train that could take me straight to you. Who knew Zurich was such a popular destination?
... well they have you, so that makes them pretty amazing and lucky.

It's like I finally have a fresh breath.
You possessed my thoughts here for so long, so it's unusual that skyping with you was what finally released me. I still can't shake quite shake you, but even if we're meant to have a love story, it will happen later.
Not now.
Not here.
Now I'm in Europe.
This is my time and my time alone. No regrets.

Plus, there's this Swiss guy I can't stop thinking about.

"I can't believe you actually came here"

"I had to. How could I miss out on you?"

You exceeded my expectations in every way. I wish I could give all of myself to you, if only someone else didn't already have part of my heart.

The last possible thing I want to do is hurt you.
Maybe things will change, I guess time will tell. But until then, know that you make me a world of happy and if it were just you and me in this world, I would never need anything else.

I can't believe the three words that just popped into my brain while we were facebook chatting. I can't explain any of this, this can't be real. Can it?

But I have another boy coming this weekend and I just desperately want to focus on him. He deserves all of that and more. I hate being torn like this.

Sometimes I just want to punch Distance in the face.

I never realized how much I say that phrase until this trip. Guess I should probably start warming up my punching arm.

Just when I started finding plenty of distractions, it all came back to you.

You're half way around the world and I want to punch you in the face.
I can't get you out of my mind- and half the time I don't want to.

Tips for Dating an Older Australian Man.

Don't do it.

Being over 2,000 miles away was supposed to help me think about you less.

Hopefully 5,700 will do the trick.

Big girls don't cry?

Nope, we cry too, Frankie.

Well, sometimes feelings suck.

Walking around with you today was exactly what I wanted, but then our goodbye came so suddenly. Yes, I told you my feelings, and I suppose I have closure for now-
but what if now isn't enough?
Only time will tell, but what if my feelings in January go untouched? Is this only our beginning, or a forgotten maybe?
So many questions.

Sometimes I feel like the answer I'm searching for is simple: you.

When did you become a guy I compared others to?
I can't shake you, and I'm not sure I want to.

My thoughts are no longer my own, you've possessed them with you words, your touch, your being.

It shouldn't be this way, but maybe this isn't something you can choose.

Why does it bother me? So what we didn't say goodnight to each other?
It doesn't matter.
Shouldn't matter.

This is why I can't get into routines like this.

Currently in readjustment mode...

This is doable.
Completely doable.

That moment when your heart just drops out of your chest. And then your stomach. And any other organ you can think of.

Favorite moment of my first day was overhearing a story from an executive involving cocaine and The Empire Strikes Back.

I'm sorry I even thought about betraying what you stood for. I felt utterly alone and scared, but I should have known you were with me all along.
Lesson learned. Ideals remembered. Thank you, Finoy.

It's so unusual that this is what I had always wanted, always waited for, but now my wants are different. I can't continue.

I just wish I didn't have to hurt someone else in the process.

I have so many jitters about our first kiss. Butterflies should be banned from my stomach.

I mean, can't we just get it over with?

Then we can move onto the second, and third, and fourth kiss.

Loneliness is really beginning to pervade my love life.

After adding a new name to the list, a sense of emptiness has overwhelmed me. I'm really craving some consistency. Some warmth. Some love.

There can be beauty in brokenness, right? But then why does mine feel so ugly?

It's difficult finding a balance between wanting living in the moment and keeping your ideals intact for the future. After going 0-60, is it possible to slow down?